What Childhood Taught Me About Staying Silent

Last week, I made a big request to my partner. It felt terrifying. My anxious inner seventh grader was convinced I was risking everything—my relationship, my stability, my sense of belonging. But the boiling cauldron of anger inside me insisted I couldn’t stay silent a moment longer.

To my surprise, my partner said yes.

Later, as my racing heart slowed, I realized something important: what I’d asked for wasn’t actually unreasonable. And yet, it felt like the biggest risk I’d ever taken. Why?

Because I grew up in a home where my emotional needs weren’t supported.

If I got mad, I was sent to my room. If I had a problem, I was told how to fix it—or someone else fixed it for me. If I felt sad or lonely, I learned to keep it to myself. I internalized a simple but damaging message: My needs don’t matter.

Even as an adult, my brain sometimes reverts to that belief. It tells me that asking for what I need is dangerous—that it might lead to rejection or abandonment.

Childhood trauma like this shapes us in profound ways. It teaches us it’s unsafe safe to express emotions, set boundaries, or make requests. And even when we grow up and find ourselves in healthier relationships, those early lessons can linger, whispering lies like: You’re asking for too much. You’ll push them away.

For years, I stayed silent when something bothered me. I’d swallow my frustration, let resentment build, and then walk away—telling myself it was easier than risking rejection. Even when I ended relationships as a result.

But not anymore.

Through coaching, I’ve been slowly rewiring my brain. I’ve learned that it’s okay to have needs, to ask for what I want, and to believe that I deserve care and consideration.

Here’s the thing: You don’t have to let childhood patterns define your adult relationships. Whether it’s with a partner, a parent, a friend, or a colleague, you can learn to advocate for yourself in ways that feel empowering and authentic.

If this resonates with you—if you’ve ever felt like asking for what you need might cost you too much—I’d love to help. Coaching provides the space to explore your patterns, rewire old beliefs, and build the confidence to get your needs met.

Click here to schedule a free consult. Because you deserve to be heard, supported, and valued.